6 Tips How to Write Dementia and Alzheimer’s
This is a serious topic and I intend to not take it lightly. We all have had loved ones suffer from horrible diseases and dementia and Alzheimer’s are tragic and heartbreaking for the sufferers and those that are close to them.
When writing stories with characters that have these diseases (or any ailment) aim to be careful and kind with how you handle them.
1. Regrets about things forgotten
I once read a story of a father who suffered from dementia. His regret on his deathbed was that he had not been a good father and that he wished he had reconnected with his daughter and changed that.
His nurse revealed that he had reconnected with his daughter over the years and she visited him often. He had forgotten it. The nurse explained that she couldn’t get him to understand that he had reconnected with her and made their relationship better even in his last days.
2. Flashbacks
My great grandfather had Alzheimer’s. They say he would have flashbacks of being in war.
He would suddenly jump over the couch and duck down and tell my father, “we gotta get outta here!” believing he was back on the battlefield.
Another story of a man who suffered from Alzheimer’s was a survivor of the Jewish holocaust.
Most nights he would wake up in terror believing soldiers were pursuing him. It had become a weekly routine for the caretaker to get up in the middle of the night and stop the man from unscrewing his window and escaping out into the night.
It seems that with sufferers of Alzheimer’s the flashbacks are closely related to traumatic events.
3. Sharing the same story over and over
My other Great Grandfather suffered from Alzheimer’s as well.
He asked my brother and me if we knew that he had a mule growing up. He would then tell us about how he and his brother would ride the mule all over the farm.
Then a few minutes later he would ask the same question and share the same story. This happened repeatedly as he forgot he had shared the story moments ago.
6 Tips How to Write Dementia and Alzheimer’s
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6 Tips How to Write Dementia and Alzheimer’s
4. Forgetting loved ones
There are many sad stories about people asking “Who are you?” to their children, grandchildren, and spouses.
Some family members have even avoided going and seeing them dreading to hear them ask that very same question, “Who are you?” Or “Do I know you?”
Something to take into account when writing these situations is the loved ones and how they react. Not just the sufferers. People have literally said of the ones suffering from these diseases, “It’s like they are already gone. It’s like we’ve already lost them.”
I can even quote someone here saying “Treasure the memories and be thankful for the time you still have with them, but that first time they ask who you are will hurt, because you realize they just aren’t that same person.”
Another saddening but true quote to get further insight,
“I am scared to face her because I don’t want to hear “Who are you?” I feel like I lost something precious in my life. She took care of me when I was a teenager and for me, she was like a lighthouse on a stormy night.”
5. Redirection
Those suffering from dementia can be easily set off in anger but some can be easily directed to happier thoughts.
One daughter learned to bring her mother a milkshake and this would make her happy and in a jolly mood.
They learned not to ask the question “how are you?” As it was an instant trigger of anger. Other people would try to get her to deal with things and remember things like her husband’s passing, but her daughter learned to redirect her mother’s thoughts to keep her happy in her last days.
The daughter said, “I personally would have redirected till the cows came home because my mom is not going to remember.”
6. Repeated daily conversations
There’s a story of a mother and daughter who suffered together in the same home.
It is actually said that they often treated each other like strangers and daily reintroduce themselves and get to know one another all over again.
One granddaughter shared a story of her Grandmother.
It seems that she was her main caretaker. Her Grandmother would ask about every 15 minutes, “Who are you?” Or some other form of the question:
“Do we know each other?”
“Are you visiting someone?”
“We are not related, are we?”
“Hello, have we met each other before?”
The Granddaughter handled this well and looked for different ways to better answer her as her Grandmother often forgot she even had a daughter.
Stories like these are not uncommon for those that suffer from Alzheimer’s and Dementia and those that care for them and love them.
I hope these thoughts and stories will help you think through a meaningful story with characters that deal with these real to life circumstances.
I hope this helps!
(A special thank you to those who were willing to share their stories publicly online for people to read and learn from and be encouraged by. By sharing our stories we help make the world a better place.)
We welcome your stories here 🙂
We hope you were able to get a lot out of: 6 Tips How to Write Dementia and Alzheimer’s!
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6 Tips How to Write Dementia and Alzheimer’s
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