4 Tips How to Avoid Pronouns in Writing
Sometimes when writing we start to notice too many pronouns:
He said, she said, she feels, she thought…
It starts to get annoying for us as the writer and perhaps it can certainly become distracting for the reader.
Try these tips to cut back on pronouns.
Things can be described without she and he.
She saw the satellite above her.
Instead: The satellite was overhead.
She smelled sewage nearby.
Instead: The smell of sewage couldn’t be ignored. It was nauseating.
She felt upset but didn’t know why.
Instead: The situation was upsetting, but not that problematic.
You don’t have to avoid pronouns altogether. You can also use the character’s name to help, but it does take work and practice to create the scene and not distract your reader with too many pronouns.
Try to avoid using “I” too much at the beginning of sentences in 1st person writings.
I went over to the sink.
Instead: Moving over to the sink and grabbing a glass I filled it with the brown water.
I felt my guts churning.
Instead: If you had been standing in that room with me you could hear my guts churning they were so loud.
I thought about Jordan.
Instead: Thoughts of Jordan kept running unchecked.
“I” is another pronoun you’ll want to be creative about cutting out.
When you do stop using “I” so much, your writing will be richer and you’ll notice the difference.
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Focus on what the reader feels and sees and you’re headed in the right direction.
She saw the stars brightly that night.
Instead: The sky was clear that night. The stars were brilliant, like a million diamonds in a dark shop. They were so clear Miranda instinctively reached out to grab one. Something strange happened next that is difficult to explain, but I will try. When Miranda reached out her little finger it touched what felt like a warm stone with static. She jumped back. Then reaching out again she grabbed one. It continued to be ever warm with only a little static in her hand. Squinting and barely able to look she peeked down at what looked to be the most brilliant diamond to have ever touched the atmosphere of the earth. Miranda just stared at it for what seemed like hours but she couldn’t tell you to this day how much time actually transpired.
This could use an edit or two, but hopefully, you’ll see that when we get lazy and just use pronouns and tell the reader what’s happening without trying to help them imagine it and feel it for themselves with words that describe what you see and feel on a daily basis, we are robbing ourselves and our readers of vivid imagery that add to a story.
You won’t be able to avoid every single pronoun. Neither should you try to.
It’s almost inevitable that you will run into sentences that are almost impossible to take all the pronouns out of.
The real point is to avoid overuse. It’s not distracting to have pronouns. It’s distracting when we use the same one over and over in the same scene, paragraph, or chapter.
She said she didn’t want to see me. I get this but I don’t understand why and I want her to tell me so I’m not wondering.
Instead: Clara wouldn’t even look in my direction. Sitting in the same classroom didn’t mean anything. I couldn’t tell you how frustrating that was. No, frustration would be an understatement. Seething would be a better word. Day after day I had sacrificed everything in my life for her, and here we sat in Chemistry and she wouldn’t even bring her eyes to meet mine.
Let’s try again:
Clara wouldn’t even look in my direction. Sitting in the same classroom didn’t mean anything. There are no words to describe how frustrating that was. No, the word frustration is even an understatement. Seething would be a better word. Day after day, sacrifice after sacrifice there was nothing I withheld from that girl, and here sitting in Chemistry, nothing, no otherworldly power could force her eyes to meet mine.
You can look at this and see even a few more ways to get rid of more pronouns.
I even see a few, but I actually, personally like the way some of the pronouns help bring the feelings I want from the description.
This is a personal thing, getting to a place where you, the writer, want it to be.
I think some authors would say you should remove as many pronouns as possible, but for me, it’s not about “the rules.” It’s about making the reader able to see and feel what I want them to from the writing.
The point is, you want to be able to get rid of any distractions, but in my personal opinion, you don’t have to go overboard and take out every single pronoun.
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That’s all for the moment.
Hope this helps!
Happy writing!
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