Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters: 10 Ideas
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.
Some thoughts on self-esteem
Define Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is defined as finding worth in yourself. One may say that this worth is not acquired by any means other than choice.
A character chooses to esteem themselves highly or lowly.
Low self-esteem is the opposite of high self-esteem.
Where is the line between self-esteem and arrogance?
Self-esteem is generally viewed as a positive character trait. It is usually socially associated with satisfaction, success, good relationships, and other positive outcomes that sometimes seem out of reach for those that don’t have self-esteem.
Having low self-esteem can often lead to bad outcomes for a character such as:
- Bad relationships
- Depression
- Suicidal thoughts
- Quitting
- Under-achieving
What are synonyms for self-esteem?
- Self-respect
- Self-regard
- Faith in oneself
- Pride
- Dignity
- Morale
- Self-confidence
- Confidence
- Self-assurance
- Assurance
What are some antonyms for self-esteem?
- lack of self-confidence
- self-deprecation
The topic of self-esteem has become a very controversial subject and many “self-help books” have been written on the topic.
But how can we as writers find a good way to write about our character’s self-esteem?
Well in many ways, the way that society talks about self-esteem is the same way in which we would give our character high self-esteem or low self-esteem.
First decide where you want your character to stand.
Do you want your character to have high self-esteem or low self esteem?
I want my character to have high self-esteem.
Then you will want to have these kinds of interactions between your character and your reader.
Make your character confident.
Confidence doesn’t have to come across as arrogant or haughty. Confidence in its best from isn’t an inner view of “I’m better than everyone else.” Confidence is not being overly self-conscious.
It is not worrying much about if people think badly of you and reacting to how people perceive your character even when it is unjustified.
Let’s give an example:
Susan is a regular kid at high school. She’s not a sports star. She’s not the class clown or class president. She goes to school. She works hard, and she has a couple of friends that she enjoys spending time with at school and everything is pretty normal for her.
Johnny, who is in Susan’s Algebra class, has a crush on Susan and decides to tell her one day. He manages the courage and taps her on the shoulder after class and tells her he’d like to talk to her about something in the hall.
They go out into the hall and Johnny blushing a little tells her that he likes her and wonders if she’d like to go out sometime.
Susan is not really sure what to say. She doesn’t like Johnny and doesn’t want to go out with him, but she definitely doesn’t want to hurt his feelings so she tries her best to let him down easy, but she’s never been in this situation before. “Johnny, I think it would be best if we just kept being friends. I don’t think I like you like that. I mean I don’t know you all that well, but if something changes I’ll let you know. I’m really sorry.” Susan is not sure what to do next. “I guess I’ll see ya tomorrow.” She smiles politely and walks away.
Johnny is so red and mortified. He starts to tear up but tries his best to hold it back and walks quickly to the bathroom to try to hide while he’s emotional.
He is so embarrassed and so hurt. He thinks about his conversation and how Susan rejected him and he gets more hurt and more angry with each lingering thought. He imagines Susan off with her friends laughing about him and making fun of him. He decides to take revenge on Susan over the next few days. He goes to his friends and spreads a bunch of rumors about Susan that aren’t true but soon start to spread around the school like wild-fire.
Susan on the other hand doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it so she doesn’t even mention it to her friends. She thought about it and thought that might embarrass Johnny if anyone knew about their conversation. In fact, she thinks they had it in private and it should stay that way so it doesn’t get any worse for him.
So from this short example, which character shows self-esteem and which character shows traits of low self-esteem.
Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters: 10 Ideas
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Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters
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Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters
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Let’s talk about the traits that show self-esteem.
Susan clearly shows more self-esteem in this scenario.
- She’s not worried about what others think.
- She’s very concerned about Johnny’s feelings.
- She’s not overly concerned about making fun of him to make herself look better.
- She’s more concerned with taking care of him and his reputation than getting a few cheap laughs from her friends at his expense.
Johnny on the other hand shows many traits of low self-esteem.
- He’s feels mortified at the thought of being rejected
This means he doesn’t esteem himself highly; he esteems the thought of getting what he wants out of the relationship more than himself or Susan.
- He obsesses over the imagined idea that Susan is out joking about him to her friends even when this is not the truth.
He shows signs of worrying too much over what others might say about him even though he has no idea if it’s true.
- He’s more consumed with the thought of what others are thinking and saying about him than the actual truth of what is happening which is that nobody was talking about him at all.
- He thinks that by spreading rumors about her this will take her down and bring him up.
A character with low-self esteem shows their low regard for themselves when they try to hurt others emotionally and physically to make themselves feel better.
By being able to tell a reader what a character does as a reaction to other characters’ actions, and dialogue is an amazing way to show your reader if your character has high self-esteem or low self-esteem.
The best way to define your character’s self-esteem isn’t to flat out tell them but to instead show what a character would do in a situation and tell your reader just that.
Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters: 10 Ideas
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Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters
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What would a character do if they were arrogant?
Arrogance is a good thing to think about when defining self-esteem for characters, because you want to be able to show your reader your character the way you perceive them, but how much is too much when it comes to self-esteem?
A thought on arrogance:
- Boasting
One character is very good at art. Many people love their art and tell them how much they love it. The character themselves never talks about their own art much. If someone asks about it they will, but for the most part they just love making art and keep doing it and doing it extremely well.
Another character is the all star high school quarterback. This character eats, sleep, and breathes football, and they are amazing. They already have scouters watching them during their sophomore year at high school. This character can’t wait to tell someone about how amazing they are. They long for the next moment they can get someone to watch the recording of themselves throwing footballs through a tire from 60 yards away. Impressive stuff, but this character is so interested in their own achievements that they never ask other characters how they are doing. Or what they are good at. Or anything about them. This character doesn’t have any interest in anyone else, just their own life and accomplishments.
That’s some examples of the difference between self-confident and arrogant. One character is very good and knows it but is still interested in other people’s achievements and not boasting about their own all the time. While the arrogant character loves to talk about themselves and no one else. They actually get bored when others start to talk.
Self-esteem can grow or fade with a character’s journey.
Interesting character arcs for your characters can mean that they change over time and with circumstances.
Things that can change a character’s esteem:
- Emotional traumatic events
- Loss of friends
- Loss of loved ones
- Being hurt by others
- Being bullied
- Etc
Bad events in a character’s life do not define them but in psychology we can see a connection between traumatic events in a person’s life and the struggle of losing self-esteem because of their experiences.
You could do the same with your characters.
For instance, in the example above Susan could be crushed by the horrible rumors that Johnny spread and she could struggle with her self-esteem like she never has before.
Or an equally interesting arc could be that it doesn’t phase her because she truly does find self worth in things other than what people say or think about her.
Both storylines are interesting; it just depends on what type of arc you want your character to have.
You could have your character start out with low self-esteem and come to a healthier place based on time and experiences.
You could also have a character start off well and go through struggles and in the middle have low self esteem and in the end conquer their inner battles and end on a high note.
If you wanted to write a tragedy then the character would ultimately end with low self-esteem.
I hope this helps!
Happy writing!
Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters: 10 Ideas
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Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters
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Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters
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Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters
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Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters
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Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters
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Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters: 10 Ideas
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Define Self-Esteem for Writing Characters: 10 Ideas
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