303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes
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“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
Albert Einstein
“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
Albert Einstein
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“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
Theodore Roosevelt
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
Theodore Roosevelt
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“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
Mark Twain
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“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
Groucho Marx
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“I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends.”
Walt Whitman
“I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends.”
Walt Whitman
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“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln
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“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”
Walt Disney
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“The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.”
Thomas A. Edison
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“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
Casey Stengel
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“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
Lily Tomlin
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
Lily Tomlin
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“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
Isaac Asimov
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
Isaac Asimov
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“How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.”
Spike Milligan
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“Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.”
H. G. Wells
“Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.”
H. G. Wells
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“All generalizations are false, including this one.”
Mark Twain
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“The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”
Mark Twain
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“Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.”
Albert Einstein
“Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.”
Albert Einstein
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“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.”
Abraham Lincoln
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“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
Abraham Lincoln
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“If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.”
Henry David Thoreau
“If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.”
Henry David Thoreau
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“This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.”
Oscar Wilde
303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes!
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“Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.”
Ronald Reagan
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“One picture is worth 1,000 denials.”
Ronald Reagan
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“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
Groucho Marx
“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
Groucho Marx
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“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”
George Carlin
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“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
George Carlin
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“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.”
George Carlin
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“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
George Carlin
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“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
George Bernard Shaw
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
George Bernard Shaw
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“A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.”
George Bernard Shaw
“A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.”
George Bernard Shaw
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“I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”
Will Rogers
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“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.”
Will Rogers
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“I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.”
Will Rogers
“I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.”
Will Rogers
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“If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?”
Robin Williams
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“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
Robin Williams
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“The superfluous, a very necessary thing.”
Voltaire
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“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”
Robin Williams
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“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”
Steven Wright
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“I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.”
Steven Wright
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“You see much more of your children once they leave home.”
Lucille Ball
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“Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.”
H. L. Mencken
“Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.”
H. L. Mencken
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“It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.”
H. L. Mencken
“It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.”
H. L. Mencken
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“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”
Mae West
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“Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.”
H. L. Mencken
“Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.”
H. L. Mencken
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“I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.”
Warren Buffett
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“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”
Thomas Sowell
“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”
Thomas Sowell
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“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
W. C. Fields
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“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
Rodney Dangerfield
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“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
Yogi Berra
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“The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.”
Rodney Dangerfield
“The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.”
Rodney Dangerfield
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“Even Napoleon had his Watergate.”
Yogi Berra
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“If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.”
Clint Eastwood
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“I never said most of the things I said.”
Yogi Berra
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“I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.”
Mitch Hedberg
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“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”
Mitch Hedberg
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“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
Mitch Hedberg
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“One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.”
Samuel Johnson
“One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.”
Samuel Johnson
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“TV is chewing gum for the eyes.”
Frank Lloyd Wright
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“If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?”
Laurence J. Peter
“If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?”
Laurence J. Peter
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“Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.”
Laurence J. Peter
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“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”
Laurence J. Peter
“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”
Laurence J. Peter
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“As for our majority… one is enough.”
Benjamin Disraeli
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“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
Anonymous
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“A word to the wise is infuriating.”
Hunter S. Thompson
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“If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.”
Henny Youngman
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“Every man has a sane spot somewhere.”
Robert Louis Stevenson
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“Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.”
Joan Rivers
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“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
Joan Rivers
“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
Joan Rivers
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“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
Jerry Seinfeld
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“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
Joan Rivers
“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
Joan Rivers
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“I have an unfortunate personality.”
Orson Welles
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“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
Jerry Seinfeld
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“Never floss with a stranger.”
Joan Rivers
303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes!
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“The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!”
Jerry Seinfeld
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“Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.”
Victor Hugo
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“It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger
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“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
Terry Pratchett
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
Terry Pratchett
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“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
Calvin Coolidge
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“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
Elbert Hubbard
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“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
Margaret Mead
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
Margaret Mead
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“I’d love to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.”
Bette Davis
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“You can always tell when a man’s well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“You can always tell when a man’s well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”
Lily Tomlin
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“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
Douglas Adams
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“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”
Lily Tomlin
“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”
Lily Tomlin
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“The next time you have a thought… let it go.”
Ron White
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“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
Douglas Adams
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
Douglas Adams
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“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”
Woody Allen
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“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
Woody Allen
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“Never fight an inanimate object.”
P. J. O’Rourke
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“He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.”
George Eliot
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“I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.”
Arthur Conan Doyle
“I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.”
Arthur Conan Doyle
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“Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.”
Alfred Hitchcock
“Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.”
Alfred Hitchcock
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“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
Jim Carrey
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“I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.”
Charles M. Schulz
“I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.”
Charles M. Schulz
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“I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.”
Charles M. Schulz
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“I love fools’ experiments. I am always making them.”
Charles Darwin
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“I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.”
Bob Hope
“I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.”
Bob Hope
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“Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.”
Ogden Nash
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“A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.”
Bob Hope
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“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?”
Phyllis Diller
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“I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.”
Bob Hope
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“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
Phyllis Diller
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
Phyllis Diller
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“What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?”
W. Clement Stone
303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes!
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303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes
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303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes
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303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes
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“The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.”
Phyllis Diller
“The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.”
Phyllis Diller
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“We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.”
W. H. Auden
“We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.”
W. H. Auden
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“Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.”
Phyllis Diller
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“The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.”
Dave Barry
“The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.”
Dave Barry
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“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.”
Dave Barry
“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.”
Dave Barry
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“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
George Burns
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“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
George Burns
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
George Burns
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“I’m kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.”
James Brown
“I’m kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.”
James Brown
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“Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.”
Charles Kettering
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“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.”
Katharine Hepburn
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“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.”
Milton Berle
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“Society is like a stew. If you don’t stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.”
Edward Abbey
“Society is like a stew. If you don’t stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.”
Edward Abbey
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“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”
Milton Berle
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“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.”
Milton Berle
“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.”
Milton Berle
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“If you can’t tell a spoon from a ladle, then you’re fat!”
Demetri Martin
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“I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.'”
Demetri Martin
“I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.'”
Demetri Martin
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“There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.”
Josh Billings
“There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.”
Josh Billings
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“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
Josh Billings
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“What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.”
Samuel Beckett
“What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.”
Samuel Beckett
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“There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.”
Josh Billings
“There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.”
Josh Billings
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“We are all born mad. Some remain so.”
Samuel Beckett
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“Be obscure clearly.”
E. B. White
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“I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often – but I’m well preserved.”
Rose Kennedy
“I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often – but I’m well preserved.”
Rose Kennedy
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“Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.”
E. B. White
“Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.”
E. B. White
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“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
Henry Kissinger
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“How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.”
Emo Philips
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“Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.”
Henry Kissinger
“Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.”
Henry Kissinger
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“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.”
Emo Philips
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“By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.”
Richard Dawkins
“By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.”
Richard Dawkins
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“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
Steve Martin
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“Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?”
James Thurber
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“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
Steve Martin
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“I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.”
Emo Philips
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“Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?”
James Thurber
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“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.”
Rita Rudner
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“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
Rita Rudner
“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
Rita Rudner
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“I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.”
Samuel Goldwyn
“I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.”
Samuel Goldwyn
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“I never liked you, and I always will.”
Samuel Goldwyn
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“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
Bill Watterson
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“I read part of it all the way through.”
Samuel Goldwyn
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“Let’s have some new cliches.”
Samuel Goldwyn
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“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.”
Oscar Levant
303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes!
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“Include me out.”
Samuel Goldwyn
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“Cure for an obsession: get another one.”
Mason Cooley
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“I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.”
Paul Simon
“I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.”
Paul Simon
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“Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.”
Wilson Mizner
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“It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.”
Arthur C. Clarke
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“The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.”
Arthur C. Clarke
“The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.”
Arthur C. Clarke
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“Too much agreement kills a chat.”
Eldridge Cleaver
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“Macho does not prove mucho.”
Zsa Zsa Gabor
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“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”
Johnny Carson
“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”
Johnny Carson
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“Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins you can’t imagine the smell.”
Robert Byrne
“Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins you can’t imagine the smell.”
Robert Byrne
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303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes
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Now back to 303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes!
“I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”
Billy Connolly
“I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”
Billy Connolly
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“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”
Robert Benchley
“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”
Robert Benchley
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“A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.”
Spike Milligan
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“Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”
Robert Benchley
“Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”
Robert Benchley
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“Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.”
James Joyce
“Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.”
James Joyce
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“If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.”
Tallulah Bankhead
“If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.”
Tallulah Bankhead
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“I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.”
Tommy Cooper
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“I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.”
Stephen Fry
“I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.”
Stephen Fry
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“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”
Lenny Bruce
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“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”
Jules Renard
“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”
Jules Renard
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“When you’re eight years old nothing is your business.”
Lenny Bruce
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“People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.”
Ellen DeGeneres
“People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.”
Ellen DeGeneres
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“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”
Les Dawson
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“He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.”
Raymond Chandler
“He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.”
Raymond Chandler
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“Never put a sock in a toaster.”
Eddie Izzard
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“When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.”
Saul Bellow
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“I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.”
Eddie Izzard
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“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.”
Jay Leno
“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.”
Jay Leno
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“That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.”
Joe Rogan
“That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.”
Joe Rogan
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“There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.”
Dennis Miller
“There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.”
Dennis Miller
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“I rant, therefore I am.”
Dennis Miller
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“I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.”
David Letterman
“I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.”
David Letterman
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“You’re only as good as your last haircut.”
Fran Lebowitz
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“I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.”
Jack Benny
“I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.”
Jack Benny
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“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”
Fran Lebowitz
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“We’ll love you just the way you are if you’re perfect.”
Alanis Morissette
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“The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.”
Jimmy Fallon
“The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.”
Jimmy Fallon
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“I don’t deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.”
Flannery O’Connor
“I don’t deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.”
Flannery O’Connor
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“One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.”
Franklin P. Jones
“One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.”
Franklin P. Jones
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“I talk to myself all the time. I’m the only one that doesn’t make me mad.”
Anonymous
“I talk to myself all the time. I’m the only one that doesn’t make me mad.”
Anonymous
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“I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.”
Richard Lewis
“I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.”
Richard Lewis
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“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
Elayne Boosler
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
Elayne Boosler
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“We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity – romantic love and gunpowder.”
Andre Maurois
“We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity – romantic love and gunpowder.”
Andre Maurois
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“Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.”
Andre Maurois
“Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.”
Andre Maurois
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“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”
Fred Allen
“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”
Fred Allen
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“California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.”
Fred Allen
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“My life needs editing.”
Mort Sahl
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“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
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“She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years.”
J. B. Priestley
“She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years.”
J. B. Priestley
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“If you’re naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don’t like.”
William Feather
“If you’re naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don’t like.”
William Feather
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“I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.”
Hillary Clinton
“I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.”
Hillary Clinton
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“The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes.”
William Feather
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“God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.”
Naguib Mahfouz
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“If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”
Hillary Clinton
“If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”
Hillary Clinton
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“As I get older, I just prefer to knit.”
Tracey Ullman
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“The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.”
P. G. Wodehouse
“The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.”
P. G. Wodehouse
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“To be or not to be. That’s not really a question.”
Jean-Luc Godard
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“If I had one thing to do today, I probably wouldn’t do it.”
Anonymous
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“Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.”
Robert Orben
“Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.”
Robert Orben
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“I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.”
Roy Orbison
“I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.”
Roy Orbison
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“I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.”
Herb Caen
“I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.”
Herb Caen
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Hope you were inspired by 303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes and maybe found some laughter!
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303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes
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303+ Funny Inspirational Quotes
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